Doubt, Anticipation, and Fear

I've been researching myself to death these last few days and weeks. It seems that the deeper I dig, the deeper the rabbit hole appears to be. Is there no end to this?? I am really enjoying myself discovering all these new concepts, but I am utterly terrified by them at the same time. I question whether I have what it takes to do this. Not in terms of steele, but just intelligence. I just don't know if I'm smart enough to hang with this crowd.

I haven't even really begun, and I already feel as if I'm over my head. I'm totally overwhelmed by the wealth of information I've uncovered. But, it's not just the information that's weighing down on me, it is the mountain of work that I can't help but look up at evry so often and shiver. I'm anticipating it, but I'm dreading it all at once. How can one person possibly expect to retain the amount of information that is expected of premedical students? The MCATS really scares me. The concept of your fate as a physician hinging on two major points, your GPA and your MCATS score is utterly gut-wrenching. One false step, one single second that you let your guard down, could be the undoing of you.

But the thing that makes me grin. The concept that really makes me smile, is that I faced down odds much greater then this, and I've won. Making it into medical school requires nothing more then personal sacrifice and a lot of very, very hard work. There are some things that I've done that I wasn't even supposed to do. Things that by right, I wasn't even physically qualified to do. I beat those odds, though. I made it when everyone else said I wouldn't. I did it then, and I sure as hell can do it now. Because now I don't have to rely on subterfuge or cunning to get what I need. I just need to work really hard and put my best foot forward, even when my shoe is untied.

-Merlin